It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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