he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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