I heard we made out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I intend to get homeless drunk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
