found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
