so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize