no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
