Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
