Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
