I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
