wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
