I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
