why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
