Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
