you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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