Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
