I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
