2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
