I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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