How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
