I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize