I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
