There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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