I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
