It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
