fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
