She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
me + whiskey = a bad person
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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