He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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