and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize