Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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