If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
