ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
