if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
