I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
