Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
