just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
