So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
