I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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