The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
