I just pynch a tree in the face
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
