at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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