Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
