two words: eviction party
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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