have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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