Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
