I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
