Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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