She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
