Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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