Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
