is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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