Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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