That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
