I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
