That's when you crack a 10am beer
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize