nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
