watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
