dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
