I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
