I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
