Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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