So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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