I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
