this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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