I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
