Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
