How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
