I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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