In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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