I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize