Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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