I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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