you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
