I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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