You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
