I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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