I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
