I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
