Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
