i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
