..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
