i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize