how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
