Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
