Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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