I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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