I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she looked like the before picture.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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