he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize