hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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