Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
