yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
