She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
