I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
