Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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