I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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