I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
