Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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