Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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