you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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