and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
