Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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