Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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