I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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