Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
