how can u be prego again
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize