Plan B is the new Plan A
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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