I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
