Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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