Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
