He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
