she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His nipple licking is glorious
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