Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
