When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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