My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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