What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
