he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
