You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
