she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
